Satire The Trump Dig

Hannity Insanity …

“Hello, T-Rump worshippers in the Milkanhoney Preservation!”
The Seanhannity smirked, drooled and smirked again. His forked tongue took a waving lick at the dripping saliva, missing badly. …

“Hello, T-Rump worshippers in the Milkanhoney Preservation!”

The Seanhannity smirked, drooled and smirked again. His forked tongue took a waving lick at the dripping saliva, missing badly.

“Today we have the Geraldorivera joining us. He’s recently put out a new set of footprints in the sand titled: The Geraldo Show – A Burp in History. Heh-heh. We meet again, Geraldo.”

“My jagged bite precedes me,” the guest said with a slick, less sloppy grin of his own.

The Geraldorivera was a Jewricannewyorker dinosaur, Sub Family to the Mediacircustops. He flicked his tongue out, expertly touching his nose, a symbolic reminder of his nose-for-news superiority over his host.

“Okay,” said the Seanhannity, now that we have the introductory spittle out of the way, the gracious Lauraingraham …”

“Excuse me, aren’t we going to discuss my new footprints in the sand?”

“I just mentioned it. You don’t expect me to actually look at them too?”

“There’s only a dozen.”

“Bravo. Too much info. Let’s dive right into the insane policies of the left, shall we? … Again, I was going to have the Foxsquawkbox co-host, the Lauraingraham visit with us today but she’s away this week. Something about having to apologize to that leftist hero, the Davidhogg after she taunted him with one measly, little Trollertweety. Apparently the Nestlebeastie, the Huluhullabaloo and nine other Sponsaurus’ — Nine! — abandoned the Lauraingraham. Oh well, their loss. It’s getting so we have to actually watch what we say around here. You know what I mean?”

“It’s called common sense.”

“Hey, don’t peddle that left-wing lunacy around here. This is my show. My bias. Speaking of which, we have more bias and corruption at the height of the Langleytips dinos. The Destroy T-Rump Press is spinning in circles! We’ve uncovered another secret between the Peterstrzok and the Lisapage. They were referring to a derogatory comment about the T-Rump. The Lisapage said, and we’re bringing it to you — yes, this is a Foxsquawkbox exclusive, live here today. The Lisapage said, Ha. The first line made me smile. Quote. Unquote. Can you believe it, Geraldo? She is smiling at the T-Rump. Pure, unadulterated, hate-fueled ridicule. What alternative reality are these democratic, dead-beat dinosaurs from?”

“Well …”

“Don’t stop me, I’m on a roll. I knew I should’ve had the Lauraingraham on instead.”

“But she was suspended.”

“Geraldo, you’re not in the Alcaponus cave anymore. We have the T-Rump on our team. We can do anything.”

“They did tell you to cease and desist with the Sethrich conspiracy.”

“And I told them I would shelve it for a future date of my choosing. I’m just waiting for the T-Rump to tell me to make it so.”

The Geraldorivera yawned.

“Any other half-baked conspiracies you want me to weigh in on?”

“Don’t be coy with me. Your leftist fragile narrative is crumbling before your eyes. I’ve told you journalism is dead and buried. The left’s so-called journalists. Hah! This Muellersavus investigation is pure madness. You want a modicum of truth? I’ll give you a modicum of truth. I don’t know what modicum means … but three syllables screams intellectual. I’ll show you three rocks turned over that will lead to an avalanche of conspiracies exposing the deepest of states. They will turn your crooked neck inside out.”

The Geraldorivera cracked his neck.

“I’m listening.”

“The T-Rump called back 60 Diplomaticus’ from the Moscovian Bluffs and the Putinodon follows with the same action.”


“Don’t you see it? It’s in plain sight. The Putinodon is doing the exact same thing as the T-Rump. THIS the scrambling, anti-T-Rump Mediacircustops will very soon thrust on the Milkanhoney Preservation dinos as collusion with the Russodinos. Believe it.”

“You’re predicting conspiracies now?”

“Oh, I have to stay ahead of this. Second, the Andrewmccabe and the Comeyonus.”

“Okay, so their versions of events tend to differ.”

“Differ?! They are locked in a Death Match! Cue the Destroy the T-Rump Press Trollertweeties!”

To the side, a flock of Trollertweeties tweeted their little souls out in a rather impressive, if not ominous death march of sorts.

“Hear that?!” hollered the Seanhannity. “This is what is going on down in the bowels of the Langleytips home base as we speak. A no-holds barred fight to the finish between these two left-leaning Langleytips. One dino is sure to be dead before the day is done. They will kill their own, I tell you. You heard it here. Your voice of reason. Terrible. Just terrible.”

“We’re not going to fight now, are we?” The Geraldorivera’s aged nerves still had a tingle to them.

“No, I’m saving myself for ratings week. Finally, you may have heard, the Langleytips were there to greet, meet and take in the esteemed Tedmalloch. Take him in, I tell you! The dino is a learned scholar. Not just your ordinary walnut brain.”

“I understand he’s lied several times however in the footprints in the sand he’s peddling. It’s also widely reported that he’s a follower of Luciferianism.”

“Hah! The Kennedysaurus’ were Catholics! Catholics! Maybe that’s what we all need. A little Luciferianism. Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, right?”

The Geraldorivera slowly rose from his squat.

“I think I’ll let myself out.”

By David Belisle

I'm a novelist and screenwriter in search of the Great Guffaw. It's kind of like getting hit with a bucket of Gatorade. It's a good time that sticks with you.

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