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Satire The Trump Dig

T-Rump’s Latest Bombshell …

The Tyrumposaurus and the Lutherstrangia were taking time out from their reservoir-side chat about the Lutherstrangia’s upcoming battle royale to win favor …

The Tyrumposaurus and the Lutherstrangia were taking time out from their reservoir-side chat about the Lutherstrangia’s upcoming battle royale to win favor with the Bamahama dinosaurs in his Crimson Creek stomping grounds.

“I’ve seen the numbers, Luther. You only agree with what I say 91.7 percent of the time. Why is that?”

But the T-Rump didn’t give the Lutherstrangia a chance to respond. The T-Rump much preferred the sound of his own voice.

“Look around you, Luther. I did this for you.”

“You made Crimson Creek?”

“No, you big bunny of a dinosaur. Your dinosaur following. It was because of my support that has you so close to being the top critter here at Crimson Creek. By the way, you do know I’m the number one dinosaur the Trollertweeties crow about.”

“Excuse me, T-Rump.”

It was the Marinegunkelly leaning over the T-Rump’s shoulder.

“We have a situation.”

“Should I leave?” asked the Lutherstrangia.

“Oh, no,” said the T-Rump. “I like it when the Marinegunkelly whispers in my ear.”

Awkward. The Marinegunkelly frowned but dutifully leaned forward to share with the T-Rump, in whispered tones, the latest breaking Trumpassic Period news.

“What!?” The T-Rump recoiled in shock. “Why, he can’t do that!”

“He apparently just did, T-Rump.”

“We’ll see about that. He’s obviously a mad dinosaur who doesn’t mind starving or killing his dinosaurs. He will be tested like never before.”

“Tested like never before? Did you have something in mind, T-Rump?”

“Spelling, math. Whatever. If he thinks this is some kind of party balloon …”

“Trial balloon, T-Rump.”

The dinosaur-in-chief was livid.

“And now the totally biased and dishonest Mediacircustops are going to put us side by side and make me look like an idiot. After all these years, my dinos still don’t have an answer.”

The T-Rump finally stopped foaming at the mouth. He swallowed, burped and looked seriously at the Marinegunkelly.

“Does he really think I’m a Dotardosaurus?”

“I reserve judgment. But he has been down this road before.”

“He thinks he’s a war hero. I’ll show him war.”

“T-Rump, it’s not the end of the world.”

“No, but thanks to him, we can’t kill the Obamacarus. Damn that McCainus!”

By David Belisle

I'm a novelist and screenwriter in search of the Great Guffaw. It's kind of like getting hit with a bucket of Gatorade. It's a good time that sticks with you.

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