201002 – David Belisle

The Chriswallace sighed deeply. What had he done to deserve this? Here he was, moderating the first Tyrumposaurus-Joebiden debate, a political landmark event 70 million dinos had showed up for. Wallace had hoped to pin this debate as the hallmark of his career, but all he could channel at this point were the 70 million salivating dinos behind him thinking the same thought.

Don’t just sit there, do something!

The T-Rump had belittled, besmirched and basically interrupted the Joebiden every time the poor dino had opened his mouth.

The Chriswallace had tried. Oh, Lordy, how he’d tried to control the uncontrollable. He’d interjected nicely at first, then raised his voice to match their level before finally lowering himself, as an abused victim might, cajoling the T-Rump that perhaps he would actually enjoy the next question. If only to stop the ranting and raving. This was after all the leader of the free-running dino world. And he now had to ask this important question again because the free-running dino world depended on it.

“Will you denounce the white-striped supremacy dinos?”

“What do you want me to call them?”

“Please pay attention. I just told you.”

“The Not-So-Proud Boy dinos,” prompted the Joebiden.

“I’m not talking to you,” snapped the T-Rump. “I think I’ll just debate Chris now. You’re not from a blue region, are you, Chris? Because all blue region dinos are nasty dinos. Very nasty.”

“Oh, no you don’t. We’re waiting for your response, T-Rump. And no vague recollections or banal, dust in the wind generalities. We must have specifics. I would like a direct, full-throated repudiation so that this dino democracy may actually outlive you.”

“It’s all the left’s fault. Those Antifasauarae, you’d better watch out, Joe. They’ll overthrow you.”

“Will you shut up, man?”

That finally shut up the T-Rump for a few seconds. The Chriswallace took another stab.

“We’re waiting, T-Rump.”

The dino divider-in-chief harrumphed and frowned.

“Alright then. But I’m going to sing my response.”

The Joebiden smirked.

“I’ve heard of dog whistles but this is ridiculous.”

The Chriswallace would take small victories where he could, no matter how sublime.

And so somewhere in the wasteland that was Covid a dino began snapping his fingers to an old familiar beat.

When the night … has come

And I raise my thumb

And then soon with my tweet you’ll see why

So the votes, when they’re made

Oh, when I feel betrayed

So be strong and stand back

And stand by

Get startin’ marchin’

Stand back for now, oh, stand by and spy

Oh, stand back, just stand back

And stand by

And that’s why this election is

A good rumble this fall

And the Biden should stumble, he ain’t spry

You won’t die, you won’t die

Like Covid, have no fear

Just as long as you stand back

And stand by

Get startin’ marchin’

Stand back for now, oh, stand by and spy

Oh, stand back, just stand back

And stand by

Startin’ marchin’

Stand back for now, oh, stand by and spy

Oh, stand back, I’m your guy

And stand by

So, until there is trouble, just stand back for now

Oh, stand by, that’s how

Won’t you stand back?

Stand back and stand by

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Election Rigging …

The Tyrumposaurus tossed and turned in his sleep. Three Cheezbuggabuggas and a couple of Dietcokers battled valiantly in his belly. But that was only half the passed gas. Tomorrow’s big debate with the Joebiden weighed heavily on his mind. He hadn’t prepared anything. Why start now? Oh, he’d tried doing a mock battle with the Rudygiuliani playing the role of the Joebiden but it wouldn’t work because they kept lying to each other. Just the thought of the Joebiden trying to outlie him made his cold blood boil. No, he would go with his gut, once it quieted down.

But there was more. Those damn, conniving, sniveling Mediacircustops were at it again. The Newyorktimesian dino — from his home region! A damning disaster of a story. On a Sunday, no less. Who does such a thing? Damn their skinny-tailed, fake news lies. Now Dino Nation would think he, the glorious T-Rump, actually owed moolah-moolah leaves. Four million. Due in four years. And he was down to his last 700,000, give or take. Hadn’t he given that much to the Tyvanka for showing up every now and then in the Oval Dwelling? Of course he’d overvalued his many luxury caves along the way. The authorities simply forgot to take into account their sentimental value. That was it.

The Mytaxus Returnus skins he shed in a pair of recent Aprils amounted to 750 moolah-moolah leaves each time. A plug-in number. But it was the thought that counted. He didn’t want to be accused of not shedding some tax skin for 13 of 18 years. 11 was bad enough. But now he was in deep dino doo-doo. Four years would fly by. The past four had. But look at what he’d accomplished. Then the debt-collecting dino would be at his door. He had to win the November Battle and do away with term limits or all was lost.

His stomach gurgled anew and he drifted off into the abysmal abyss where dark nightmares of Solitary Sinkhole customs unfolded and Yellow Submarinae dinos roamed, singing an ominous soundtrack that looped in his mind, playing over and over, laying bare the stark truths of the only game plan he had left.

Ah, look at all the only evil

Election rigging jacks up the price with the worst virus spreading again

T-Rump’s playing mean

Base for the bimbo, swearing in case it may keep him as czar for four more

Armed for a war

All the only evil

All under T-Rump’s thumb

All the only evil

How could they be so wrong?

Robber McConnell fighting absurd for the battleground legalese dear

It becomes clear

Look at him smirking, jamming the court with a judge, what he once called unfair

How does he dare?

All the only evil

All under T-Rump’s thumb

All the only evil

How could they be so wrong?

Ah, look at all the only evil

Election rigging, Day of the Lurch, they all scurried, all strong with his name

The mail then came

After the frenzy, Biden is first, T-Rump stands and he blocks with a wave.

Democracy’s grave

All the only evil

(Ah, look at the only evil)

All under T-Rump’s thumb

All the only evil

(Ah, look at the only evil)

How could they be so wrong?

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!