“Sick and tired! I am sick and tired of being holed up here. Like I was some common criminal.”
The Tyrumposaurus’s nostrils were flaring. And dripping on his big feet.
“Oh, there’s nothing common about you, boss,” said the Dino of Defense Markesper, gathered in the Oval Dwelling with the dino general Markmilley, the Dino Attorney General Williambarr, the T-Rump and his Mediacircustops mouthpiece, the Kayleighmcenany.
The T-Rump turned to the Williambarr.
“Get out there and see if the coast is clear.”
“To where?”
“I don’t know where. Anywhere! I told you I’ve got a bad case of Cave Fever. The biggest, baddest case of Cave Fever …”
“In the history of the world,” the other dinos finished his sentence together.
“Quit finishing my sentences, dammit! You make me sound predictable.”
“But T-Rump,” asked the Williambarr. “Are you going to at least give me some protection? The natives are, um … restless.”
The T-Rump looked the Markmilley up and down. The general had his best fighting sneer on.
“Hmph, you look ready for battle, Milley. What’s your call on this?”
“Well, you see, boss. We don’t normally pit our fighting dinos against our stay-in-the-cave dinos. It’s, uh … not a good look. This has never been done in Dino Nation history.”
“Great. There’s a first time for everything.”
“Uh, T-Rump?” asked the Kayleighmcenany. “What should I tell the Mediacircustops?”
The pregnant pause gave birth to boundless incompetence. The Markesper finally spoke.
“I’m just gonna tell’em I didn’t know where I was going. Uh, because I don’t.”
The Williambarr perked up.
“Can we all say that?”
“You can,” grunted the Markmilley. “But I have battle-ready dinos out there. I can’t have them running around bumping into each other. Some innocent dinos are gonna get hurt.”
He cast a wary eye at the T-Rump, who picked up on the negative vibe immediately.
“You militaristic dinos are kind of close, I hear. Has that Maddogmaddis been whispering in your ear again?”
Silence from the Markmilley confirmed his guilt.
“What did he say?” grilled the T-Rump.
“He called you the ‘I’ word, sir.”
“Idiot? Well, that’s not too bad.”
“No, sir. He called you, ahem … immature.”
“What did you say?”
“Immature, sir!”
The ground trembled beneath the T-Rump’s feet. The other dinos hadn’t seen him this mad in a day-and-a-half. The Kayleighmcenany bit her bottom lip, looking very worried.
“What are you going to do, T-Rump?”
“As you know, I just had my physical. The dino doc noted my high stress levels, the highest stress levels, uh … see my face turning red? To relieve pressure, he suggested that I sing.”
“Sing? Really? When you’re upset like this?”
“Of course. You forget. Power. I’m singing with power. C’mon, march with me. All of you. And hit your tail on the ground like you mean it.”
I don’t know what I’m expected to do
Crisis, what crisis? Nothing new.
Break their backs now, stay on their necks
They haven’t seen the worst of it yet
I don’t need you all to tell me
To stay away
Take me to the sinners, don’t forget my daughter
Take me to the sinners, put me on the altar
Washington down! Washington down!
I don’t know why they treat me so bad
I’m the best leader that they ever had
They can’t protest, but before I forget
To the bunker, it is time to inspect
I don’t need you all to tell me
To stay away
Take me to the sinners, don’t forget my daughter
Push me thru the sinners, let’s just make this hotter
Washington down! Washington down!
Slug them, tease me, shove them, please me
Till they can’t, till they can’t, till they can’t take more of it
Take me to the sinners, don’t forget my daughter
Push me thru the sinners, grab them by the collar
Washington down! Washington down!
I don’t know religion from two plus two
Small sacrifice, here’s what we’ll do
Across the park there, we will crawl
Then I will simply stand in front of it all
I don’t need you all to tell me
To stay away
Take me to the sinners and don’t forget my daughter
Push me thru the sinners, hit them good and proper
Washington down! Washington down!
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 