The Mikelindell, a dino entrepreneur with a one-of-kind rock pillow that guaranteed sleep if you fell from at least ten feet, shook his head emphatically at the T-Rump.
“No, the Joebiden most certainly didn’t win the election.”
“I love your enthusiasm, Mike,” said the T-Rump, “but how do you know?”
“Because I’ve seen it.”
“Oh, really? Where?”
“Well, let’s see. I was tired. Then a short while later I saw sheep. A lot of sheep. Prancing. One hundred to be exact. Prancing sheep. And they were jumping over something. I was counting them as they did. Then came the letter “z.” Lots of those too. A long, long string of them.”
“Uh, Mike? It sounds like you were sleeping? And dreaming. That too.”
“Oh, I get that a lot. But listen, while I’ve got you, I’ve got a list of ideas that can keep you in the Oval Dwelling. First, I have evidence of voter fraud in the Georgia Orchard, Pennsylvaneus, Michigonia and Dairyland.”
“Great. You’re a little late. But let’s see it.”
“Oh, I don’t have it with me.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s word of mouth. From a friend of a friend of a friend, all three being in the solitary sinkhole and looking for a discount on your pardon deal at two million a pop.”
“Not gonna happen. Look at me. I’m getting killed here. My revenue streams are drying up before my eyes. Art of the deal is how I steal, I mean feel. Two million is the flat rate.”
“Well, I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, we could negotiate one for, um … me. Just in case, you know, stuff comes up.”
“Like your five minutes. It’s almost up.”
“Okay, sure. So, you’re the law and order guy now. You put in martial law. Right away. Bingo-bango. Before they can blink. You suffocate them with martial law. Suffocate, suffocate, suffocate. Ya gotta suffocate ‘em with it. Y’know? Suffocate.”
“You’re scaring me, Mike.”
“Would you like a rock pillow?”
“No.”
The T-Rump buried his head in his lap.
“Oh, woe, woe, woe is me. How come everyone isn’t calling me asking me how I’m doing and saying great things about me to cheer me up? Don’t they know how this is tearing me apart? Cheer me up, dammit! I had to tell my family to look in on me every hour. My own family! Make them think something bad might happen — just so I could get more attention.”
“Uh, you sure you don’t want a pillow?”
“No! You’d have to pay me to sleep on that thing.”
“It’s the lumps isn’t it?”
The Mikelindell knew he was at the four-minute mark but he might be thrown out with a minute left, so he nodded to the T-Rump and headed for the exit.
The T-Rump sighed. Seventy-two hours. Normally he didn’t even think one day ahead … unless it was a flog day with a Pornodactyl. But he knew in three days, the biggest grift ever perpetrated on Dino Nation would soon be over. He could feel the dino authorities circling. He was like a cornered Ratfinkasaurus, painful as that was to admit. He hated looking weak. His mood was pure melancholy because he’d never admit to the actual cause. But he was alone so he could sing about it. Because he always loved the sound of his voice.
I’m always right cuz I’m never wrong
Why aren’t they all singin’ my song?
Jon Tester, Chuck Schumer, Jake Tapper and kin
I blame them all for the soup I’m in
I am everyday feeble
That rigged election
The one that I really won
There’s a fraud says everyone
Then those votes should be undone
For he who stokes
The widespread hoax
Gotta keep goin’ on
With Rudy’s Punch an’ Judy
The last straw
That’s holding us together
I am their leader, I’m the best they knew
If I can’t tweet, how do theirs get through?
They love me, they need me, until I say when
Somebody else caused this mess I’m in
I am everyday feeble
They need free and fair
They want law and order there
Cuz that was my election
But not my insurrection
For he who stokes
The widespread hoax
Gotta keep goin’ on
With Rudy’s Punch an’ Judy
The last straw
That’s holding us together
They still want me to run
Though some say I’m one and done
This self-pity is no fun
There’s no money, send me some
For he who stokes
The widespread hoax
Gotta keep goin’ on
With Rudy’s Punch an’ Judy
The last straw
I am everyday feeble
……………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 