“Alright then,” the Tyrumposaurus said to his family and final hangers-on gathered around him in the Oval Dwelling. His tone had that long familiar ring of the devil dino just before he fleeced your soul.
“Which one of you is going to hand over your flock of Trollertweeties so I can get the word out with my base, I mean, our base.”
Crickets.
“Need I remind you that I’m doing this for Dino Nation.”
More crickets. Except it was actually quieter because the crickets had, incredibly, pulled out their wings when they realized who they were chirping for. A wingless cricket enters early retirement of course and that’s nothing to shake a, uh … wing at because after all, they only live 90 days.
“Don Jr., what about you? I know I can count on you.”
“But I need my Trollertweeties, dad. Um, to say great things about you. Am I right? But not too great. Because I don’t want to wind … up … like … you. Kimberly? My low bar sweetie?”
“I don’t want her Trollertweety. She’s not family.”
Awkward. But awkward crashed and burned one hundred times a day around the T-Rump.
“Eric?”
“Gee, dad. I just had another dino follow me the other day. That makes five. Why don’t you ask the Tyvanka?”
“Because she needs her Trollertweeties more than all of you put together. Times ten.”
He turned to the Tymelania. The look she gave him told him that asking her would release all his wife’s colorful Christmas-decoration aggression on him in a spectacular Be Best moment. No, he’d do well to skip her. The Tyvankanatrix smiled sweetly at him.
“Sorry about your impeachment, daddy.”
“Impeached? I wasn’t impeached. And I wasn’t impeached the last time either. I was acquitted. They all quit.”
“Sorry, my bad.”
She smiled her condescending smile at the group. Their shoulders all slumped another inch. She was of course the only family dino who could mention the T-Rump’s record-breaking second impeachment without getting her head chewed off.
“Un, T-Rump?” It was the Markmeadows.
“What is it, Mark?”
“Well, with the moolah-moolah leaves no longer coming in, it’s that time of the month and … uh …”
“Spit it out.”
“Rudy wants his money.”
“Tell me. Did he get the Georgia Orchard, Pennsylvaneus, Michigonia and Dairyland to overturn their elections?”
“No, I’m afraid he didn’t.”
“Then he’s not getting paid. That’s the deal. Not one moolah-moolah leaf. He knew that was the deal.”
“Uh,” stammered the Markmeadows. “I didn’t even know that was part of the deal.”
“He knows who I am, what I am. Thirty-five hundred, or is it four thousand lawsuits now? Tell him, back of the line, bud.”
“Yes, T-Rump.”
The Markmeadows turned to leave.
“Oh, Mark, before you go.”
“Yes?”
“The Moscowmitch.”
Uh-oh. The dinos in the Oval Dwelling cringed as one.
“The Moscowmitch said he hates me. I don’t know why but … you know what to do.”
“I, uh … don’t follow.”
The T-Rump frowned. He tapped his claw on a flat rock.
“Plausible deniability. Don’t need to know.” He said it in a sing-song fashion.
“Of course.”
The Markmeadows hurried out of the cave. He had no idea what he was going to do. He could only hope, as with most other outlandish T-Rump requests, that his boss would forget all about it in 15 minutes.
The T-Rump turned to his family.
“Moscowmitch hates me. He hates me? What for? Does he think I’m wicked? C’mon. For all that I’ve done for him? For Dino Nation? No, not buying it. He’s the one that’s wicked. That’s who. He’s the wicked one.”
And the T-Rump burst into song.
What a surprise when Pence did not come through
Those were three wild Wednesdays but what can they do?
I did nothin’ wrong, did nothin’ wrong
But they’re sayin’ it strong, sayin’ it strong
I’m gonna rob them blind and then I’ll reappear
I am too wicked says the docket, believe me, my fans hold me dear
I did nothin’ wrong, did nothin’ wrong
But they’re sayin’ it strong, sayin’ it strong
That I’m too wicked and impeached twice
Won’t you back my flag, they said last night
That I’m too wicked and impeached twice
That I’m too wicked and impeached twice
I’m gonna rob them blind and then I’ll reappear
I am too wicked says the docket, believe me, my fans hold me dear
I did nothin’ wrong, did nothin’ wrong
But they’re sayin’ it strong, sayin’ it strong
That I’m too wicked and impeached twice
Won’t you back my flag, they said last night
That I’m too wicked and impeached twice
Won’t you back my flag, they said last night
That I’m too wicked and impeached twice
Won’t you back my flag, let’s make it right
I’m not too wicked and impeached twice
I’m not too wicked and impeached twice
……………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 