Free Ride …

“Merry Christmas, T-Rump.”

“What’s good about it?” the Tyrumposaurus shot back at the somewhat stunned Markmeadows. “You should go talk with my wife. She’ll tell you what Christmas is good for.”

“Pardon me, T-Rump, but this is the time of year when those extra moolah-moolah leaves really make a difference. When you’re thankful for whatever relief lands at your doorstep.”

“Yes, yes. Go on.”

“The Kongrus Kave and the Sin Hut have agreed on a Covid stimulus bill that would bring aid to millions of dinos across the land. It requires your signature.”

“Oh, I thought you were talking about more moolah-moolah for me. Dino Nation? Who cares? Do you understand where I am right now? Almost on the outside. Almost looking in. And you’re telling me about other dinos? I hate to break it to you, but there are dinos in blue regions that would actually benefit from this bill. We can’t have that, so I won’t be signing it today. Or tomorrow. Maybe next week. But that’s a world away.”

“But, sir, we can’t exactly ask these dinos to move.”

“Your idea. And you just said it’s doomed to fail. I guess this is on you then.”

The Markmeadows restrained himself from rolling his eyes. It had been so hard lately. Good gawd. 26 more days of this. 26 more days of twisting in the wind, waiting for the worst T-Rump could dredge up and fling at the world as he headed out of the Oval Dwelling. If he would leave. The Markmeadows turned to exit.

“Oh, no. Stop right there. You’re not going anywhere.”

“You don’t mean.”

“Oh, I most certainly do mean.”

Pardons. The T-Rump had found a leadership privilege that he could turn on its head for truly evil purposes. Releasing bad dinos and sitting back to watch Dino Nation cringe in horror. It was hard to tell which dino relished watching dinos tremble in fear more, the T-Rump or the Putinodon. But it was a very close race.  

“How many did you want?”

“How many do you have? That will pay.”

“Yes, well. I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that last part. The Kushneratops left me a list of the dinos who helped us, those who wanted to help us, those who didn’t help us enough and those who didn’t even try to help us. Not sure why he included the last group.”

“Because those are the first dinos we hit up. If they want a pardon it’s going to cost them big-time. Got it?”

“Quite clearly.”

“Bring me the list.”

“Yes, T-Rump.”

The Markmeadows wondered how exactly he was going to explain this to the new dino attorney general when the Joebiden finally made his pick. He turned to leave.

“Oh, and Mark?”

“Uh, you want me to bring the dino house band back with me. So you can sing …  the song … as you go over the list.”

“You got it.”

Moments later …

Then Mueller asked why, and where did you go

But you did not tell them what you know

So I’ve come here to give you a hand

Gonna set you free just as we planned, so

Come on and take a free ride

Come on, gonna let it slide 

Come on, pardons nation-wide

The lies and the killings, all covered in shame

I dangle the pardon and you play the game

Whatever the bad deed, I forgive your sin

I’ll cripple the nation if I cannot win, so

Come on and take a free ride

Come on, gonna let it slide 

Come on, pardons nation-wide

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Come on and take a free ride 

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Come on, gonna let it slide

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Come on and take a free ride

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Come on, pardons nation-wide

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah


You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

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