The Tyrumposaurus, his mighty minions and a smarter-than-the-average dino or two sat back-cave. They were awaiting the T-Rump’s first address to Dino Nation’s Mediacircustops in over a year. The situation was dire. The Coronavirus was sweeping the dino world and had finally landed — with 60 cases — in the Milkanhoney Preservation. The T-Rump had briefed his heartless hangers-on of what he planned to say and they all wished he hadn’t.
“T-Rump, blessed T-Rump,” said the Mincepencenow. “I – I really don’t think it’s a good idea to go out and tell Dino Nation what you’ve shared with us. You’re a great leader, and I’d swim to the bottom of the worst smelling swamp for you, but …” He trailed off.
“Sure you would,” said the T-Rump, eyeing him with contempt. “I just bet you would. Why, I’ve a good idea to make you the dino czar of this whole thing.”
“No, please don’t. Mother wouldn’t like that.”
“Hey!” It was the Alexazar. “You said I could be the czar of this whole, uh … thing.”
The T-Rump frowned.
“I don’t like your tone. How’d you like to be acting czar?”
The surprised expressions from his dino sycophants surprised even the T-Rump.
“Okay, maybe that straight-from-the-gut decision wasn’t the greatest decision ever. But it was good. Wasn’t it?”
Coughing up of phlegm all around. The Tymelania saw this as her chance.
“Donald?”
“Yes, what is it?”
“I only listen to one thing that Rickwilson says.”
“That’s good.”
“He says everything you touch dies. Don’t do this. You are playing with death. I don’t want to die. You, well. What can I say? Be best.”
“Okay, I guess.”
He turned to the Anneschuchat, a dino who knew her way around sick dinos and then some.
“Anne, what do have to say on this. Maybe more than me?”
“Maybe. But you see, the less I tell you, the better. You’re just going to say what you’re going to say, right?
“Straight from the gut. You know it.”
“So, T-Rump. I will speak after you. The clean-up will be much easier this way.”
“Clean-up? Did you say clean-up?” The germaphobe checked his hands. “What are you cleaning up? I don’t have the Coronavirus already, do I? Do I?”
Shrugs all around. Worried, some not-so worried and a couple surprisingly gleeful.
“Have you been to see the Chopstickchowmein?” asked the Anneschuchat.
“No.”
“Then you’re fine.”
“Oh.” A sigh of relief and long inhale of bravado. “Of course I am.”
Flustered, he jumped up from his squat. There was no holding him back. As usual. He signaled for the intro and it began. He entered the briefing cave, dino tails raining blows against the wall. They soon had the knack.
Hoo, my little pretty sun, my pretty sun
Are you gonna burn up in time, Corona?
Hoo, you know it’s one and done, it’s one and done
I’ll be comin’ off lookin’ fine, Corona
Never gonna stop, give it up, gotta get this right
And Larry said it, yup, said that it’s pretty much airtight
Fifteen, five, two, one. Woo!
Buh-buh-buh-bye, Corona
Stay a little farther, huh, my wall, huh?
A quarantine I can walk by, Corona
Keepin’ it a mystery, it won’t get me
Findin’ you a nice, new fall guy, Corona
Never gonna stop, give it up, we’ve got brilliant minds
Nancy and that Chuck, just shut up, you should get behind
Fifteen, five, two, one. Woo!
Buh-buh-buh-bye, Corona
Buh-buh-buh-bye, Corona
When you gonna give to me, g-give to me
Is it just a matter of time, Corona?
Is it d-d-destiny, d-destiny
Or is it dementia of my mind, Corona?
Never gonna stop, give it up, til the cure we find
We’ll soon have it up, no mix-up, so just get in line
Fifteen, five, two, one. Woo!
Fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fifteen, five, two, one. Woo!
Buh-buh-buh-bye, Corona
Buh-buh-buh-bye, Corona
Buh-buh-buh-bye, Corona
Buh-buh-buh-bye, Corona
Hoooooo … c’mon, Mike, bye, Corona
Hoooooo … don’t let me down, Mike, bye, Corona
Hoooooo … Hey, didya get your flu shot?* Bye, Corona
* flu shot: a potent slurp from the wrong end of Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 