The Tyrumposaurus stepped off the beaten path deep inside the Virgin-Yall Forest. He’d just finished lapping up most of a large mud puddle. Bladder full, he squatted beside a whispering willow and proceeded to relieve himself. His eyes momentarily crossed.
“Psst!”
The voice came from behind him. The T-Rump wheeled, peeing on his foot as he did. He groaned, wiggled his wet toes and returned to his original posture.
“Who is it? You just made me pee on my foot!”
“That’s okay, your base can relate to that. It’s me, the Rudygiuliani.”
Only it wasn’t. It was the Stutteringjohn, a funny dino who’d toured with the Howardstern comedy troupe during their heyday twenty years earlier. He was pranking the T-Rump.
“It doesn’t sound like you, Rudy. Where’s that stupid laugh of yours?”
“Ha-ha .. heh-heh … hah-hah-hah-hah!”
“That’s better. What is it? Go ahead, I can talk and pee at the same time.”
“I’m just thinking aloud here,” said the fake Rudygiuliani, “but I have some suggestions for legal dinos you could send to the two-storey brownstone on Supreme Court.”
“In the Highly-Esteemed neighborhood?”
“That’s the one.”
“Great,” said the T-Rump. “I was looking for some input. I’m tired of having to do everything around here.”
“Of course. I was thinking an obvious selection would be the Sessionsopossum.”
“The Sessionsopossum?! But I hate that giggling, long-tailed weasel.”
“And that’s exactly why you could ship him off to Supreme Court and have your pick at a new attorney general dino. Like me maybe.”
“I like your thinking.”
“Oh, I’m not done. Did I mention myself? Of course I did. At the Supreme Court brownstone, I could turn your legal world upside down. It’s not that I’m vain, mind you. But if the Sessionsopossum says no, for the record, I am available.”
“What record? … Never mind. Look, Rudy, I need you to baffle-gab the Mediacircustops. You are such a great baffle-gabber.”
“Why, thank you. Another possibility would be the Jeaninepirro.”
“Lock her up!” the T-Rump shouted with a violent lash of the tail. “I love that line!”
“I know, I know.”
“But,” cautioned the T-Rump. “Hasn’t she had some run-ins with the law?”
“Yes, but think about it, you could pardon her AND send her to Supreme Court. Won’t the Donkeykongrus poop the nest on that one?”
“These are all great ideas, Rudy, but I just don’t know …”
“But wait, there’s more. Remember the Jayeffkay with the Bobbykennedy as the attorney general dino?”
“But I don’t have a brother.”
“I’m talking about the T-Rump Jr.!”
“Why?”
“As a Supreme Court dino!”
“What? He doesn’t know a hard case from a soft shell.”
“He doesn’t need to. You control the Capsized Hill. You can do this!”
“I don’t know. I’m his father. What if I want a new law and he says no? It’s gonna look bad disowning a Supreme Court dino.”
“Okay,” said the Stutteringjohn, “I’ve got it. You send the Sergeykysliak to Supreme Court.”
“Now you’re talking!”
“I – I am? I was just kidding around, just foolin’ with you.”
“Oh, the Putinodon would love it. And that’s all that matters, right?”
“Uh, sure?”
“I can then free the Russodinos from the Sanctionsaurus. The Mediacircustops will be so busy chasing their tails with the Sergeykysliak as one of the highest legal dinos in the land.”
“Well, now” said the Stutteringjohn, “those are five exciting options for a Supreme Court legal dino, aren’t they?”
“Tough decision,” said the T-Rump, scratching his rump. “Tough decision.”
David Belisle 