Satire The Trump Dig

The Great Flip-Flop …

The Milkanhoney Preservation cringed in the midst of a dino-denigrating crisis at the Southern Border. The Tyrumposaurus had altered a previous Obamarus practice of catch and release to punish and prosecute. There was zero tolerance. …

The Milkanhoney Preservation cringed in the midst of a dino-denigrating crisis at the Southern Border. The Tyrumposaurus had altered a previous Obamarus practice of catch and release to punish and prosecute. There was zero tolerance. Henceforth, any migrating Refugeeraptor caught entering the Milkanhoney Preservation would be confined to the Solitary Sinkhole. Families of Refugeeraptors were being separated. The young Refugeeraptors were relocated to parts unknown. Their shrill cries echoed, then disappeared into the night, haunting their mothers and fathers.  Where the young dinos went was a mystery.

This new policy had two-thirds of the general dino population shaking their heads in disbelief. How could the T-Rump do this to a baby dinosaur? What was the Trumpassic world coming to? Yet six out of ten Grandoldparty dinos and all those in the Oval Dwelling knew exactly what was happening. The T-Rump was kidnapping the Refugeeraptor offspring to gain leverage for the creation of his pet project, his raison d’etre — the Great Tex-Mex Divide. For two years, it remained his running wet dream.

The Sessionsopussum had waxed eloquent with a line from four Bobbyfuller footprints in the sand, saying, “I fought the law and the law won.” Except the Sessionsopossum had said the words a little too giddily, prompting 600 of his Bamahama-Virgin-Yall United Methadone congregation to call him out, telling him he could no longer prey on their vacillating virtues.

One of the T-Rump’s counselors, the Kellyanneconvixway, tackled the Mediacircustops Chriscoumo on the issue. When the Chriscuomo claimed the migrant issue was destructive, harmful and the T-Rump’s team should own it, the Kellyanneconvixway responded with her mocking, snarky remark, ‘how dare you, how dare you’ as if this emotionally-charged issue was a simple yes-no answer.

The T-Rump’s leader of Homegrown Security, the sleepy-eyed Kirstjennielsen trotted out in front of the Mediacircustops and essentially admitted to not following through on the most rudimentary aspects of her job, like keeping track of 2300 little dinos that had been snatched from their mother’s arms.

But the T-Rump backed her up, glaring down all the while at the weak and innocent. Then he naturally doubled down, tripled down and quadrupled down because the Great Tex-Mex Divide was tasty red meat for his deplorable dino base. This migrant mess was also keeping the Muellersavus investigation a distant second in the Mediacircustops news cycle. As leader of the free-running dino world, the T-Rump had never backed down, never lifted a claw to right what was clearly his fault.

Until now … with the unprecedented, the Great Flip-Flop. Who or what caused this stunning shift of the walnut in the T-Rump’s brain? Was it the unrest in the dino masses? The heart-wrenching cries of young dinos disappeared? No, it was the callous, uncontrollable bleat of the Coreylewandowski. An inopportune bleat that led him to being summoned before a very ticked off Tyrumposaurus.

Thank you very much,” said the T-Rump.

“Uh, you’re welcome?”

“That is NOT a compliment. Now I have to fuh- … fuh- … I can’t even say the word.”

“It’s okay to curse, boss. I do it all the time.”

“Flip flop! I can’t believe I’m doing this. I have to. And it’s all your fault. You’re listening to Donkeycongrus advisor, the Zacpetkanas, who’s talking about a 10-year-old Refugeeraptor with an incurable disease. And you say, ‘Womp. Womp.’ What were you thinking?!”

“Well, I …”

The T-Rump’s long tail suddenly lashed out.


The Coreylewandowski was flat on his back, down for the count. The T-Rump stood over him.

“Is that ‘womp womp’ good enough for you?”

The Coreylewandowski stirred.

“But the Hopehicksbagotrix …”


“She liked it when I’d say, Womp. Wo-”


The T-Rump’s tail rained down on the curled up Coreylewandowski.

“I can’t … I can’t help myself,” said the downed dino.

“Neither can I.”


And so the Great Flip Flop came to pass. Some called it the Great Womp Womp. Would this be the first of many? Would the Coreylewandowski seek Psychodino advice? And what about the 2300 young dinos stranded across the land? Millions of dinos in the Milkanhoney Preservation were wondering. And watching.

By David Belisle

I'm a novelist and screenwriter in search of the Great Guffaw. It's kind of like getting hit with a bucket of Gatorade. It's a good time that sticks with you.

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