“The science is on our side. Always has been. Always will be. Face it, science just doesn’t like the Donkeykongrus.”
There came a collective roll of the eyes from the gathered Mediacircustops at the Kayleighmcenany’s 1,000th bald-faced lie. It was the latest impromptu meeting of the Coronavirus Patty-Cake Party, a briefing that was part virus update, part mumbo-jumbo and all partisan politics.
The Betsydevos stood in the background, holding her breath to change her skin color, allowing the consternating chameleon to go camo against the cave wall.
“But Kayleigh,” said a Mediacircustops in front. “The math says there are 160,000 dead dinos. Are you sure the science is with you?”
“It sounds like you’ve been listening to the Anthonyfauci again. Look, the good dino doc means well, but who are you going to listen to, him or our esteemed leader, the Tyrumposaurus? And don’t let all those deaths fool you. Like the T-Rump said in his incredible quote, if I remember correctly, I want to get it right. It is what it is. Think about that. I’ll wait so you can just let that sink in. I’ll bet the Obamarus never said anything like that.”
“Most dinos wouldn’t. I have more numbers for you, Kayleigh. 338,000 dino youngsters are plodding around with the virus and there are still 21 hot zones in Dino Nation. Do you still think it’s a good idea to open the schools?”
“That’s a lot of numbers you’re throwing at me. It’s a good thing we have the education lizard …”
“Wizard.”
“Oh, right. Heh-heh. Sorry, Betsy. The Betsydevos, everyone. If any dino knows the difference between science and math, it would be Let’s See Betsy. Step right up, Betsy.”
The education dino timidly stepped to the flat rock lectern.
“Look, I’m really not supposed to be here. The T-Rump thinks that if you see me you’ll start asking questions about my brother the Erikprince … and if it’s his Blackwater dinos who are rampaging through Sportland and Chicagoland. Oops. Did I say that? The kiddos need to be in school. Really. Bye-bye.”
With that, she scurried away, disappearing into the bushes. A Mediacircustops waved a short arm at the Kayleighmcenany.
“Kayleigh, it appears the science and the math just left the meeting. How can dino mothers feel safe about sending their dino tots off to school?”
“Excuse me, Kayleigh, I’ll take this one.”
It was the make’m queasy Steveyscalise.
“Listen, this has the makings of a generational catastrophe!”
“You mean they’re all going to die? Good lord.”
“No. No. Don’t you see? They’re going to die inside. After their home, school is the most important place for dino kids to be. Fifty million of them. And let’s be serious. Can we? Children only make up seven percent of the Coronavirus cases. And deaths? A measly one percent. C’mon, dinos. One percent.”
“One percent?! One percent of what? I’d better be getting a cut of this.”
It was the T-Rump. The Mediacircustops brightened and cringed at the same time. Such was the whiplash effect of a T-Rump quote of the day.
“Did I tell you that the Joebiden is against religion? He’s trying to hurt God. And me. Why does nobody like me? How’s that possible?”
“Uh, T-Rump,” asked another Mediacircustops. “We were, um … talking about your thrust to reopen dino schools. When all the indicators suggest otherwise, what makes you think it’s safe?”
“Safe? Well, I mean, if you look at the numbers, the numbers of, in terms of mortality, fatality, the numbers for children under a certain age, meaning young. Look, I sometimes sing to help me focus better on what the numbers are saying. Do you mind?
Open schools
It is the right thing to do
Don’t ask why … let’s not make this too real
If I could
Maybe I would be concerned
How can I
When I get nothing in return
This thing will go away
Like things go away
Let’s just call it
A mother’s only play
This thing will go away
Like things go away
It’s no lie
Every statistic found
Backing up
Packing them in, the right thing to do
Cuz I heard
Not much impact on their world
Open up
Children are almost immune
This thing will go away
Like things go away
Let’s just call it
A mother’s only play
This thing will go away
Like things go away
This thing will go away
Like things go away
Let’s just call it
A mother’s only play
A mother’s only play
This thing will go away
Like things go away
Let’s just call it
A mother’s only play
This thing will go away
Let’s just call it
A mother’s only play
This thing will go away
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 