Mr. Caputo …

The Q-Anonymousarus dinos had gathered in the clearing for a huge rally. They were packed in like Hammerhead Sardines, cheek-to-cheek and happily yapping away about anything but social distancing and the deadly Coronavirus. In the front row there were a pair of very closely related dinos, the Billybob and the Billyjoe. They were pair of Red Neck Nukkledraggerz fraternizing full time with the Q-Anon dino crowd.

“Billybob, you sure the Mincepencenow won’t be showin’ up?”

“That’s right, Billyjoe. I heard there was this theory …”

The fifty closest dinos stopped talking all of a sudden and leaned into the conversation.

“I say, there was this theory that Mother was prone to splitting headaches at the mere mention of Pizza Gators and hell, since we let any ol’ dino in here, we darn well couldn’t guarantee that. Or maybe it was the theory, this one’s a good’n … that the Mincepencenow isn’t here because he’s suffering from a bad case of leather mouth from lickin’ the T-Rump’s tail everyday and twice on Sunday.”

“But he’s been doing that for goin’ on four years now, Billybob.”

“Yes, but he plum forgot the second time last Sunday and now he’s feelin’ remorse like, you remember when our pet dino died? Imagine a grown dino cryin’ like that. He’s really shook up about it.”

“Oh, that’s gotta be tough. But it’s the Donkeykongrus’ fault, right?”

“Each and every time. That dang Nancypelosi was thinkin’ about him, that’s right, thinking about him the exact same time it was supposed to happen. Of course it threw him off. It’s all her fault, it is. Damn Donkeykongrus dino doo-doo.”

“So many deep state conspiracies to keep track of.”

“That’s why we lost our jobs, Billyjoe. So we could follow the ever-changin’ hierarch-ichy of every plausible, cotton pickin’, perplexin’ explanation. Exponentially-speakin’ of course. But as sure as Suzie-Q’s our sister, it was worth it.”

“Damn straight. Hey, I hear that Stegastyx is the entertainment tonight.”

“Hot damn! They got great tunes, don’t they now? Blue Collar Dino … Lordy, I Lie … Best of Crimes …”

“I like that Fooling Yourself … and Come Wail Away … then there’s Crystal Wall …”

“Don’t forget that slow one, Shady … and Renegade … Cheat Madame Blue … suh-weet!”

“And The Grand Illusion. Classic … what about Too Much Executive Time on My Hands? We could go on forever.”

“That’s why they voted them the Dino’s Choice back in the day. Every song, just a fantastic, well-crafted conspiracy theory. You gotta love ‘em.”

“I hope they play that new one. Look, Billybob, here they come.”

The Stegastyx charged onto the stage and launched into their latest dinosaur rock track.

“That’s the one, Billybob! They’re playing it!”

(No, no, we will stop Joe, Mr. Caputo), No, no, we will stop Joe, Mr. Caputo

You just made our day

No, no, we will stop Joe, Mr. Caputo

You’re our conspiracy guy

We’re wondering who you are (secret secret, Soviet asset)

How low you set Billbarr (secret secret, pretty low, we bet) 

You’re the new virus star (secret secret, you’re no doctor yet)

We hope you’ll take us far 


You’ve got a secret, it’s high time you let us in

At C-D-C they all are spoiling for a deep state win

So if we see you acting strangely, we’re not surprised

You sometimes like to incite riots, your eyes opened wide

We’ll keep you alive, we’ll keep you alive

Eyes open wide, we’ll keep you alive

It’s all politics, they are animals, a conspiracy

You’re here to help us, stop Joebiden, can someone help you?

You’re our new hero, we’ll say our prayers, forget what we know 

They want us all sick, sacrifice lives, til it’s out of control

So out of control. Just out of control

They have no soul. Let the bad news roll

This is their master plan (secret secret, they will so regret)

Get sick and die, their task (secret secret, yes, we’d better fret)

One word for that, you see (secret secret, yes, you did forget)

Fill in the blank for me

No, no, we will stop Joe, Mr. Caputo, no no (no no) … no no (no no)

No, no, we will stop Joe, Mr. Caputo, no no (no no) … no no (no no)

No, no, we will stop Joe, Mr. Caputo

No, no, we will stop Joe, Mr. Caputo

No, no, we will stop Joe, Mr. Caputo

No, no, we will stop Joe, Mr. Caputo

Thank you very much, Mr. Caputo

For doing the job that nobody wants to

And thank you very much, Mr. Caputo

For leaving them agape like we knew you’d do

Thank you … thank you, thank you

We want to thank you … please, thank you

The problem’s plain to see

Violence will come to be

We’ll fight to save our lives

They cannot win the prize!

The time will come to pass (secret secret, November secret)

Resistors will en masse (secret secret, this is a threat)

Begin their killing spree (secret secret, you had better get)

A head start home, Mikey!

You’re Killjoy! Killjoy! Killjoy! … Killjoy


You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

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