The Fix is In …

The Tyrumposaurus gripped the flat rock lectern, grinned smugly and pointed to the Lauracotes for the next question.

“T-Rump, the Dino Nation is on the verge of 5 million Coronavirus cases and has suffered over 160,000 deaths. And yet you decide to hold a Mediacircustops briefing not at the Oval Dwelling but here at your Bedminster Bedrock, thus roping in a bunch of your flogging buddies. This is nothing but a campaign appearance. And oh, by the way, I don’t see any social distancing.”

There came a chorus of boos from the crowd. The T-Rump smirked.

“No, they don’t have to because it’s a political activity. They have exceptions. It’s also a peaceful protest.” 

“Peaceful protest? What are they protesting? The Caviarraptor legs? I thought it was a Mediacircustops briefing? So then, peaceful protests justify breaking the rules? What about Lafayette Park?”

The T-Rump pretended he didn’t hear.

“Moving right along, I will be taking executive dino action on payroll moolah-moolah taxes, extending unemployed dino benefits, and extending the moratorium on dinos being dragged out of their caves.” 

“Excuse me, T-Rump.” The Lauracotes was one spirited Mediacircustops. “But that’s a lot of promises with no action. Shouldn’t you leave it to the Kongrus Kave to make a deal on Covid relief? As the leader of the free-running dino world, you don’t really seem to care. And it’s not at all clear if you even have the authority to do any of the things you just said. Are you concerned about the legality of your executive orders?” 

“No, not at all. No. You always get sued. Everything you do, you get sued. Me, anyway. Especially me. I was sued on the immigration travel ban and we won. I was sued on a lot of things and we won. So sue me. I’ll just wait’em out like I always do. I can wait. Boy, can I wait.”

The T-Rump’s new battle campaign manager, the Billstepien sensed things going south in a hurry. He jumped in. 

“Ahem, our goal is to win every day between now and November.” 

“To be clear,” said the Lauracoates, “Your goal is winning days instead of saving lives? There is nothing in the Grandoldparty’s Covid relief package about testing, safety measures, Covid anything.”

“It’s the economy, stupid,” said the T-Rump. “I’ve added nine million jobs.”

“You lost 22 million to begin with.”

“Let’s not forget the veteran dinos I took care of in one fell swoop. That was all me. The Donkeykongrus couldn’t get it done. Nope. They tried for decades and decades and decades. And one more decade.” 

“Congratulations. That’s the 150th time you’ve told that lie. The Obamarus took care of the dino vets six years ago. You only tweaked it. A little tweak. A teeny, tiny tweak.”

The T-Rump released the flat rock lectern.

“That’s it. I’m outta here. But before I go, I just want to leave you all with some more good news. Call it a good prediction. No, a great prediction. A great, safe prediction.”

 

The fix is in, can’t be beat

It’s like I said in every tweet

And the tweets are loud, to divide

I cannot lie, what have I to hide?

‘Cause the fix is in

Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho

Bought up all the action, there’s nothing you can do

Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho

I’m a-gonna steal it

I’m a-gonna steal it

I’m a-gonna steal it

The fix is in, the fix is in, the fix is in

Oh, it’s in the bag, the fix is in

 

Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho

Bought up all the action, there’s nothing you can do

Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho

I’m a-gonna steal it

I’m a-gonna steal it

I’m a-gonna steal it

The fix is in, the fix is in, the fix is in

Churning, earning, burning

I can’t be beat, the fix is in

 

Kanye con job, with Putin my guide

I’ll sabotage, blame the other side

I can move the date to one I choose

Make your ballot late, so I cannot lose

When the fix is in

Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho

Bought up all the action, there’s nothing you can do

Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho

I’m a-gonna steal it

I’m a-gonna steal it

I’m a-gonna steal it

The fix is in, the fix is in, the fix is in

Churning, earning, burning

I can’t be beat, the fix is in

Never catch a liar

The fix is in

Barr is my umpire

The fix is in

I’m a gonna steal it

Yeah, I can’t be beat

The fix is in

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

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