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Humor Satire The T-Rump Dig

Wasting My Time with You …

The Mediacircustops, the Brianstelter, beamed at his guest, the Tyrumposaurus’ senior legal dino advisor, the Jennaellis. She had that look about her that said salty, sassy and able to snap at any moment.
“Thank you for joining us, Jenna.”
“Look, Brian, you just make sure to stick to the topic we agreed to discuss.”

The Mediacircustops, the Brianstelter, beamed at his guest, the Tyrumposaurus’ senior legal dino advisor, the Jennaellis. She had that look about her that said salty, sassy and able to snap at any moment.

“Thank you for joining us, Jenna.”

“Look, Brian, you just make sure to stick to the topic we agreed to discuss.”

“O-k-a-a-a-y … it appears you’re suing the dino pollsters for a poll that had the T-Rump 14 points behind the Joebiden. C’mon, now. Suing pollsters? Really?”

“Oh, you’d better believe it. Because they had the egregious audacity to poll adult dinos who weren’t even registered voters.”

“But they could be.”

“Could be? They could also all be anti-T-Rump activist dinos with an agenda like yours, Brian. Did I mention that your ratings are the worst?”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because you have an audience of three and we need every last dino licking the T-Rump’s toes. I mean, I can’t sleep at night knowing you’re giving those three dinos fake news.

“You can keep on patronizing me but I don’t think it’s a good look for you.”

“You’re criticizing my looks now? O-o-o-o-h, that’s low, Brian. Just for that I’m going to go on for the next ten minutes about how you don’t know the difference between an opinion piece and a factually false statement. Didn’t they teach you that in school, Brian? Don’t you want to be correct? You call yourself a Mediacircustops, Brian, and it’s your job to report the facts and then let the dinos decide.”

“Aha!”

“What?”

“You just said to report the facts and let the dinos decide.”

“So?”

“When exactly did dinos begin deciding on the facts? Facts are facts. Who, what, where, when. Those don’t change, Jenna. Because they’re the truth. Unless you are, uh … changing them to alternative facts. Hmm. Where have we heard that before?” 

“I’m not listening. Two minutes in, time to take over this interview. Why are you so upset that the T-Rump sent out his Trollertweeties telling dinos to ignore the Mediacircustops? He’s just expressing an opinion. Isn’t he allowed to do that? After all, he is also a citizen. He is the first one to actually use his platform as a Dino Nation citizen to be able to call out the fake news Mediacircustops and say you are peddlers of false information.”

“Are you even listening to yourself? The T-Rump is NOT just a citizen. He is the leader of the free-running dino world. No other citizen, no one, nada — not even you on your best day — has access to the bully pulpit. Only he does. What he says matters.” 

“Brian, the T-Rump is all about truth and facts.”

“Jenna, you’re wasting my time, Jenna.”

 

So long, I’ve been working too hard, you been talkin’ too long

Sometimes I think I will lose my mind, I only know it’s a matter of time

When you shove someone, when you shove someone

It feels so wrong, your words so blue, I need to know what I say is true

Soundin’ the gong, gotta let you know you’re talkin’ way too long 

Conversation with you is a chore, that’s why less of you is more

I’ve been wasting all my time with you, you cut-in like a knife

I’ve been wasting all my time with you, you’re ruining my life

I’ve been wasting, this time you blew, gonna go tell my wife

Yeah, wasting all my time with you, you cut-in like a knife

Your head’s wood, let’s make sure that that’s understood

You are more than touched said the last survey  

Only T-Rump could make it this way

When you talk to someone, yeah, really talk to someone

Now, I see the light, in some moment, twenty years from now, one night

There’s nowhere on earth that anyone, see, will take you seriously 

I’ve been wasting all my time with you, you cut-in like a knife

I’ve been wasting all my time with you, you’re ruining my life

I’ve been wasting, this time you blew, gonna go tell my wife

Yeah, wasting all my time with you, you cut-in like a knife

I’ve been wasting, wasting with you

I’ve been wasting

I’ve been wasting 

Won’t the truth soon come to life?

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

By David Belisle

I'm a novelist and screenwriter in search of the Great Guffaw. It's kind of like getting hit with a bucket of Gatorade. It's a good time that sticks with you.

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