The Mincepencenow ate his raw Bracchiosaurus ribs without even tasting them. The second in command to the Tyrumposaurus had a lot on his mind lately. While the T-Rump had made leveraging foreign leaders to dishing dirt on opponents a national pastime, the Mincepencenow had unfortunately finally been dragged into the mess. He looked across the bloody Bracchiosaurus at his wife. She too was picking at her entrails. Uh-oh. Bracchiosaurus usually made her ravenous. They’d had three little dinos together and though her name was Karen, after sharing the same den for 34 years, he knew her only as mother. She’d been there for him through thick and thin. This was the official thick of it.
She spit out a bone, barely missing him.
“How could you?” she snapped.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For, uh … that bone not hitting me?”
“Mike, you’re in trouble. We’re in trouble.”
“Mother, I told them I spoke with the Zelensky in Poland Springs. I mentioned the T-Rump and how we wanted the Zelensky to look into corruption. I got home, saw the T-Rump and we gave them the military aid. That’s all I did, dear. It’s a good thing.”
She looked at him, her eyes a pair of searing pools of molten lava boring two holes in his head.
“This is me you’re talking to. The Mediacircustops knows you knew about the Joebiden issue the very next day, six weeks before you saw the Zelensky.”
“But I had one of my dinos say I might have heard it and that maybe it …”
“Didn’t fully register? R-i-i-i-i-g-h-t. What the hell is that, Mike? Are you trying to get us impeached because it sure looks that way. They’re finally onto us after all these many months. They can’t wait to take it away from us. I am so close to being the first lady. So close I can taste it,” she said, blood dripping from her jowls. “Do you know how much I want to wipe that “be best because my husband’s a boob” sneer off the Tymelania’s face?!”
“Yes, mother.”
“I’m tired of being second. I hate being second. What do you have to say to that?
She glared down at him. He stared down at his Bracchiosaurus. Finally he looked up at her.
Mother do you think I’ll lose my job?
Mother do you think I’m right or wrong?
Mother, do you think they’ll try to break my balls?
Ooh, aah, mother, should we build the wall?
Mother, should I be the president?
Mother, should we make the gays repent?
Mother, can you help me build up my spine?
Ooh, aah, do you still like my hairline?
Hush now, Mikey, Mikey, don’t you cry
Mama’s gonna end all those abortions, it’s true
Mama’s gonna put all of her hooks into you
Mama’s gonna keep you right here under her thumb
She won’t let you talk cuz you might just sound dumb
Mama’s gonna keep Mikey and his income
Ooh, Mikey, ooh, Mikey, ooh, Mikey
Of course mama’s gonna help T-Rump fall
Mother, do you think they’ll really vote … for me?
Mother, do you think they’ll send bank notes … to me?
Mother, will they tear me literally apart?
Ooh, aah, mother, will they think I’m smart?
Hush now, Mikey, Mikey, don’t you cry
Mama’s gonna punch out those Russodinos for you
Mama won’t let any ol’ poison get through
Mama’s gonna wait up ’til you get Flynn
Mama will always find out who’s living in sin
Mama’s gonna keep Mikey real squeaky clean
Ooh, Mikey, ooh, Mikey, ooh, Mikey
You’ll always be Mikey to me
Mother, do I need to always lie?
David Belisle 