“I can’t believe it,” said the Chuckschumer. “They’re like – like animals.”
He was peeking out of a side cave to the Kongrus Kave in the Kapitol Kavern where a moment before the Donkeykongrus and Grandoldparty dinos had been counting the electoral votes to confirm that the Joebiden was the new leader of Dino Nation. But instead of a typically boring and mundane, purely ceremonial gesture, the Tyrumposaurus, in his infinite indecency, had decided to incite his rabid following to trudge with him down the main path to the Kapitol Kavern. He exhorted them to cheer for their own kind, make some noise and “show strength.” Never had a dog whistle jumped species more readily.
The Magadinos had eventually made it to the Kapitol Kavern and kept right on going, through a very surprised skeleton staff of dino security into the inner sanctum of dino political wisdom and hallowed authority. The high ranking dino representatives had been whisked away from any danger at the hands of the dino hooligans. That is how the Sin Hut minority leader, the ChuckSchumer, came to be holed up with the Kongrus Kave Majority Leader, the Nancypelosi, and her counterpart Minority Leader, the Kevinmccarthy.
“I prayed for him every day,” said the Nancypelosi. “1,400 prayers for the T-Rump. And what did you do?”
She was looking at the Kevinmccarthy, who was sitting with his tail against the wall several feet away. Head down, he shook with fright.
“I’ll tell you what you did. Nothing. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
She picked up a rock and threw it at him, hitting him in the beak.
“Ow!”
The Chuckschumer returned to sit beside her. He studied her tight-lipped expression.
“Did you want me to throw a rock at him too?”
She shook her head and launched anew into the Kevinmccarthy.
“Why are we in here, Kevin? I’ll tell you why. Because you and your 141 walnut-brained dino representatives and twelve sycophant Sin Hut dinos have continued this long-running charade of nonsense conspiracy theories that have convinced this – this mob of rioting, looting, pillaging, thieving, deplorable dinos outside to actually believe the lies that your leader, the T-Rump, has been telling them ad nauseum since before the election even began.”
Short arms raised, she quaked with fury. The Kevinmccarthy trembled, covering up, waiting for another rock.
“Don’t just sit there cowering. Say something. Go ahead. You can’t, can you? You can’t defend what’s happening out there. In our Kapitol Kavern. We work here. For the dinos. And we’re hiding under a rock. Disgraceful.”
The Kevinmccarthy peeked over his short arms.
“I – I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would come to this. I guess the Susancollins was wrong again. He’s really a nice guy. On Tuesdays. At 5:30. Right before supper.”
“Uh, Nancy?”
“What is it, Chuck?”
“When I stuck my nose out a minute ago? I caught the unmistakable odor of dino urine. Coming from your cave. They peed in your cave, Nancy.”
“Uh-oh.”
The Kevinmccarthy inched further away. The Nancypelosi set her jaw and ground her gums.
“That’s it. I’m through being the nice dino. 25th Amendment. If we get out of here, Kevin? Kevin. Look at me. I want you to go back to the Mincepencenow and tell him that if he’s not willing to tell Dino Nation that the T-Rump is only working with half a walnut, then the Donkeykongrus will begin impeachment proceedings immediately.”
“Again?”
“Don’t look at me like that. He’s the one going for the record.”
Just then a small pack of dinos burst into their cave.
“It’s the Animals,” said a surprised Chuckschumer.
“Save me,” whimpered the Kevinmccarthy.
“Not those animals, dummy. The real Animals. How’d you guys get in here?”
“Just walked right in,” said their leader. “We thought it was a tour. Then we figured out it, uh … wasn’t. But say, looks like you guys could use some cheering up. Or at least something else to focus on.”
“Please,” said the Nancypelosi.
And the Animals played.
He hides inside wallowing in pity
Swallowing cheese with his whine
All those around him have given up trying
The situation was far from pretty
So he told them what to do
A Capitol march for the MAGA true
We knew
Watch them climb the stairs higher
Rioting in our hallways
Insurrection to end democracy’s day
Oh yes, we knew it
He’s been tweeting so hard
He’s been jerking you, man
Now he’s gotta pay
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
He’s gotta get out of the House
There’s no telling what he will do
He’s gotta get out of the House
‘Cause man, we cannot have
Another coup
The situation was far from pretty
So he told them what to do
A Capitol march for the MAGA true
We knew it
Watch them climb the stairs higher
Rioting in our hallways
Insurrection to end democracy’s day
We knew he’s been tweeting so hard
He’s been jerking you, man
Now he’s gotta pay
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
He’s gotta get out of the House
There’s no telling what he will do
He’s gotta get out of the House
Man, we cannot have
Another coup
Right now, listen up
Right now, don’t blow it, man
He’s gotta get out of the House
There’s no telling what he will do
He’s gotta get out of the House
Man, we cannot have another coup
Believe me
Don’t blow it, man
We knew it too
……………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 