“Are you sure you want to say that?”
The Devilnunes glared at the Gordonsondland who was sweating profusely.
The dino ambassador wiped his dripping brow. This may have merely been a dress rehearsal, a mock impeachment hearing the Grandoldparty dinos had put together in the subterranean chamber below the one where the Donkeykongrus had held their deposition proceedings. But having a conversation with the Devilnunes on a good day was a daunting task.
“I’m sorry, Devil, I’m just saying I already changed my story once. You want me to change it again?”
“Woah. Stop right there. I never said that. I’m just saying you need to be very careful with what you say. You don’t want to incriminate you know who.”
“But I was there when he shouted into my ear and three other dinos heard that all he cared about was the Joebiden and he didn’t give a platypus poop about the Ukraine Plain.”
“Way too much info,” said the Jimjordan. “I’m getting a headache just listening to you. The average dino at home doesn’t want to know anything about the Muellersavus probe.”
“Uh, this isn’t about the Muellersavus probe.”
The Jimjordan snickered.
“C’mon. Don’t start that one. Don’t go there, Gordie. It’s been well documented by every long-tailed conservative dino in the land that everything — and I mean everything — stems from the bogus Muellersavus probe. Facts, facts and more facts. All the facts. Right there.”
“Thanks, Jim,” said the Devilnunes, who turned to the Gordonsondland. “Look, we can’t have any more … ahem, loose testimony. Where do you squat on this? You’ve got to let us know here and now ..”
“Here and now!” snapped the Jimjordan.
“Shut up, Jim. I’ve got this. Don’t you have another skin to shed? Ahem. What’s it going to be, Gordon? Are you with us or not? Are you playing with that idea of the sickly truth or are you willing, like our martyr-like muckrakers — the Papadopoulus, the Manaforta, the Flynnhasbeen, the Rogerstone — to take one for the team and spend a piece in the Solitary Sinkhole, waiting for a pardon from the T-Rump? You can do it, Gordo. You know the T-Rump will go bonkers if you shed any more light on this … this … big stuff.”
Another dino entered the cave. It was the T-Rump.
Hi, there!
I’m on my way I’m faking it
I’ve got to make more dough yeah
So much larger than life
Cuz that’s all I care about
The Zelensky comes from the weak Ukraine
They are so weak, they’re for the birds
And so me, I can jump on that
I worked it out
He’ll be stretching his mouth to love my ass, and there’s no doubt
Anything or he’s shut-out
Not one but two, investigations
I’ll be a big noise with all the big boys, so much stuff I will own
And I will stay as the big dog, as you kneel to my big perch
Big stuff, I’m on my way I’m faking it, big stuff
Big stuff, I’ve got to make more dough yeah, big stuff
Big stuff, so much larger than life
Big stuff, cuz that’s all I care about, big stuff
My rallies have all the big names and I fleece them with the widest smile
Tell them how my life is one big impeachment
And always they say yes when I tell them to hold the assistance
I have it made in the mountain shade with my loud voice ringing in my big fat head
And my long reign will be the longest reign, I’ll just say the Bidens once more
Big stuff, I’m on my way I’m faking it, big stuff
Big stuff, I’ve got to make more dough yeah, big stuff
Big stuff, so much larger than life
Big stuff, cuz that’s all I care about, big Stuff
Big stuff, my star is getting bigger, big stuff, my cave is getting bigger
Big stuff, my lies are getting bigger, Big stuff
And my mouth
Big stuff, my crowd’s are getting bigger
Big stuff, I am paramount
Big stuff, my emergency grants
Big stuff, and the bulge in my big big big big big big big big big big big big big big stuff
Hi there!
David Belisle 