Dinosaur teeth gnashed, nostrils flared and Cheezbuggabuggas disappeared like a Donkeykongrus Subpoenasaurae. It was another fast food feast at Mar-a-Guano, the Tyrumposaurus’ flogging resort in the Neverglades. The T-Rump raised his Dietcoker.
“Here’s to good friends. Good friends who want something from me and are willing to pay handsomely for it.”
The T-Rump coughed loudly. A wealthy dino from the Georgia Orchard raised a short arm.
“T-Rump, you don’t still have the Covid, do you?”
“Oh, that? That was just a chunk of Cheezbuggabugga I didn’t feel like chewing. Don’t worry about me. I feel better than I did twenty years ago. Ah, the Marla years …”
Another cough from the T-Rump.
“Another chunk. I’ll be fine.”
The T-Rump was wracked by a long, messy coughing fit.
The Georgia Orchard dino was concerned.
“About that special swamp water y’all been drinking? You know, the kind we can’t get? You were in bad shape last week, T-Rump. We didn’t come here to get sick and die. And, uh, by the way, that swamp water could just be maskin’ your symptoms. It’s just helpin’ with the inflammation. It ain’t no Covid cure. Nosirrree.”
“Hey! Who let a doctor in here? You’re just like the Mediacircustops. Blowing this pandemic all out of proportion. You can beat Covid. I did. So, eat up. Get in there, close together. Rub those elbows. Here, let me hand them out to everybody. You can say I touched your Cheezbuggabugga. You’ll be s-o-o-o-o popular with your friends. Cheezbuggabuggas for all. I spared no expense. Trust me, we’ve rounded the corner on this Covid thing. I don’t know where they’re getting this 400,000 dead dinos by February number. I’ve already saved 2 million. That puts us w-a-a-a-a-y ahead of the game. Scientists. Hmmph. Who needs’em?”
A Land of Longhorns dino in the Cheezbuggabugga line raised a short arm.
“Thanks again for having us here at Mar-a-Guano. We’re so privileged. We all sincerely hope you win the November Battle. Otherwise why would we all be here, right, dinos?”
Nods all around from the chomping, dripping dino mugs.
“Of course that’s why you’re here,” said the T-Rump. “And that brings us to the entertainment portion of today’s big shin-dig. To remind us why you keep coming back to my home sweet Neverglades home. Again and again. Could we have a slow, melancholy backdrop, because this is serious stuff.”
Mar-a-Guano, let’s talk about the finances
Gotta improve your chances, pay for play now
Oh, she’s a good one
Making a million-five per season
A good enough reason you
Should get on board now
So you want to be an ambassador
Welcome to my stable
Membership’s a quarter mill and then you’re all set
A revenue stream, the finest thing
Centerpiece on every table
Dined here 400 times and I haven’t paid yet.
Mar-a-Guano, oh, she’s the world’s eighth wonder
Don’t wait any longer for that government loan
The dinners, the galas, I have a lotta folks talking
I’m glad you came knocking, here, I’ll throw you a bone
This is my comfort zone, it’s no surprise
I reap rewards as you patronize
Favors you seek, the gatekeeper you pay
Close access has its highs and lows
Isn’t it funny how the most money holds sway?
Mar-a-Guano, she’s now the best of your chances
Come book a few dances, I raised the rate
Special interests reign, in the swamp I drain for you
You get an inside track to policy
An inside track to policy
You’d better get some money to me before it’s too late
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!